Near-Failure/Teachers

Some of the only people who are publicly recorded as failures are presidents. It's the lowest notch on the presidential ranking scale. The next notch up is below-average, which really sounds like a big step up. These men are branded by historians as Failures, even though they were obviously successful enough to become president, some twice. You can either be Great, Near-Great, Average, Below Average or Failure. I really think they should introduce a Near-Failure category to balance it out.

I feel like Near-Failure is a good place to live, artistically speaking. Struggling, but not quite drowning: on the ropes, still breathing, hanging on for dear life. They say you learn a lot from failure, but I think you learn more from Near-Failure. You can look back and think about all the bad choices you made, but then there was that one good one you made somewhere along the way that kept you from making something that was total shit, and you think, "how do I do that again?"

There are two types of heroes: the blessed and the cursed. Most heroes in stories are gifted, they have strengths and virtues that they exploit through hard work. They have an easy time being Near-Great, but have some struggle finding true greatness. They overcome their obstacles and achieve it in the end. 

The cursed hero is weak and untalented. He has to fight against his natural laziness for the motivation to even try, and will lose most of his battles, due to his lack of strength. The cursed hero doesn't give up though. He keeps fighting, not out of virtue, but out of shamelessness. The cursed hero knows that if he tries enough different ways towards his goal, the odds will eventually allow him to win and he can eschew totally failure, and reach the rank of Near-Failure, one he once thought out of reach.

I don't know if the cursed hero actually exists in fact or fiction, other than in my own dreams where I someday get a bit part on a sitcom. A lot of people will realize Near-Failure status as early eliminations on reality TV shows. Others will find Near-Failure in teaching, having failed at what they really want to do, they will find the smallest possible success in teaching. 

I know it's not really popular to say this, but fuck teachers. I don't mean this in an adolescent way or in some anti-educational way. I  just think most people who teach are assholes. You would think that it would be a job for intellectuals or the intelligentsia, maybe even that working in education would make you smarter. It doesn't work though. Teachers are their subjects second-string. They are life's B-team. 

What makes them dumber too, is that they have to hang out with kids all the time. You don't get smarter by reading thirty different 15-year-old perspectives on Huckleberry Finn. You'd learn more by reading an article in the New Yorker while taking a long shit everyday. The people I know who became teachers, get influenced by kid's crappy opinions and start familiarizing themselves with their brain-dead pop culture. You'll hear teachers say that, "they like to think that their kids teach them." That's not a good thing, because what their probably learning are all the words to the newest flavor of the month pop song or catch phrases from Glee. That's not going to build brain cells. 

People always defend teachers, saying that their job isn't easy and that they make such a huge sacrifice. You know what's not easy? Working. I mean actually working, that's a hard life. Teachers spend all day sitting down in sterile rooms and get sweet pensions. It's certainly safe, and to me it's the easy way out. Also, what kind of person feels good about passing judgement on a bunch of kid's intellects, to make themselves feel smart. I'd feel smart too, if I was comparing literary notes to kids someone who still reads the comic page. 


Although, like the garbage man or the hospice worker, I do have to admire and thank them for doing a messy job that I wouldn't touch with a 10 ft. hickory stick. Reliving high school every work day for the rest of your life. I'd rather be a janitor. Janitors were always much nicer, and they get to listen to grown up talk.