The Failure Years

I had a dream a about a really smooth unfiltered Italian lager being poured at a mysterious German restaurant where I dined with annoying strangers who took 20 minutes to split the bill, only when I pointed out that the total was completely wrong. Not a great dream, boring, too true to life, but the beer was good. I still remember what it tasted like in my dream, even though no such beer exists that I've had. The dream itself was pleasant, but upon waking, it seemed boring. 

My favorite dream in recent history was when I passed a sea horse through my urethra while pissing, and then rescued it from the toilet and raised it as a son. During the dream I was a little nervous and confused, but it's a dream that I think about a lot, and consider my favorite. 

I think that there are several important lessons here. Mainly, that these failure years are the dream years. Drunken hazes pass in and out of each other as if dreams. I spend my thinking time in waking dreams. The best times of the failure years are some of the least memorable when I awake into my mid-thirties. The most memorable will be those like pissing a seahorse, strange and confusing. 

Dreams come in many flavors, but never bitter. Comedy too, doesn't go down as a bitter tea. Dreams and laughs can be sweet, salty, sour even "umami," but never bitter. Even bitter comedians hide their bitterness under a (sometimes thin) sheet of silliness. If you go down the dark road of bitterness, the laughs will, come when you snap yourself out of it and say something silly, to remind everyone that you were joking. 

In dreams the bitterness only comes when we wake and realize that that world that we may of let ourselves get attached to never existed and there's no way to go back. I am now resolving to let my anger pass as if a dream. To let bitterness, be a dream once laughter wakes me from it. When I feel my blood heating, the best thing to do is latch on to lucidity and find the humor to wake me up, and all trifles will pass as dreams. 

I read an article last night that was  a great example of someone who has no clue how to write comedy, or as he called it "satire." Like most clueless wannabe satirists, he compared himself to Swift. His "modest proposal" was to stop tipping bartenders. There would have been many ways to write an article like this as satire and make it funny, but instead he came off as a whiny Brit who refuses to understand American tipping culture. In the process he managed to go semi-viral and piss off every bartender in NYC (not a group you want to piss off), which is where he lives. I wont link to the article because I don't want to open up the lid on the garbage can, but I can't wait to read a story about him getting kicked out of a bar when he's recognized.